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What weighs three hundred pounds and takes three hundred pounds to carry it? I'll give you three hints.

1. It happens just before Christmas. Nope, it's not Santa hoisting his toy bag into the sled.

2. You often find this in a school. Nope, it's not the classroom hamster. (And who in their right mind would have a 300 pound hamster anyway, let alone bring it home.)

3. You can also find this in an office Living Dead Dolls to calm people down. No it's not the nitrous oxide machine.

It's the office fish!

Now you may well be asking yourself why the office fish weigh 300 pounds.

Well, they don't. They only weigh a few ounces. However, the two aquariums - one 20 gallon, one 10 gallon - weigh ten pounds per gallon of water.

Yep, do the math and you've got the 300 el-bees. The three hundred lbs carrying it? That's the combined ideal weights of my hubby and me. Though having just come from our annual church potluck, I expect we were carrying a little extra "avoirdupois."

Next question. Why would Laurence agree to help bring the office fish home when all we had to do was swing by every second day and feed them? That is your answer right there.

You see, no matter the temperature, I insist on riding my bike or taking shank's pony (walking) into the school. Laurence knew that since he, being a teacher, is also off school, he would get cheerily dragged along be it bitter or balmy.

Now I'm not completely unreasonable. I did drain the tanks down so there was only a few inches of water. And we did this on a Sunday evening when no one Captain Action was around. It seemed too much like the Monty Python skit about "Eric the Fish" to be taking one's fish home for the holidays.

[Customer: Hello, I would like to buy a fish license, please.

Shopkeeper: A what?

Customer: A license for my pet fish, Eric. Etc.]

One of the fish is an old timer. He gets his very own tank because the younger goldfish think he is dead and try to eat him. They are members of the carp family after all. "One Eyed Jack" is minus an eye and more than a few silver scales. My husband thinks he is ugly, but I think he's "distinguished." (Well, isn't what we say about aging males who are human?)

Laurence might want to have a little more respect for this mini-carp. Seems some of Jack's larger brothers are sisters are "takin' over the neighborhood" in Missouri rivers. So numerous and large are these non-native species - big head and silver carp - that they have been jumping into boats, injuring occupants and damaging the watercraft. A state biologist was seriously hurt when he was hit in the head by a high-flying giant carp.

Que faire? Well if you can't beat 'em, you might as well eat 'em. And that's what a number of entrepreneurial fishers are doing. Orion Briney has doubled his income since taking in carp. Briney used to think carp were ugly. "But now, I think they look pretty good," he says.

Hmm... Maybe it's One-Eyed Jack who should be keeping his lone eye open!

Jan Carrie Steven, MA, RSW, is Counselor, Mentor, Chaplain and Volunteer.

Visit her websites and columns:
http://www.basic-counseling-skills.com and http://www.smallthings.ca

Jan has a passion for small churches, shelter pets, counseling or visiting lonely people, and building free, informative and fun websites.

Her mission statement is borrowed from Mother Teresa: "We can do no great things. Only small things with great love."

Contact her at jan.carrie.steven@gmail.com

# posted by hieej : 4:07 AM  0 comments

No matter how technologically advanced our communication systems become, a simple handwritten note will always be the classiest way to say thank you or hello. Personalized stationery and Chatty Cathy take the sentiment one step further to create a unique statement that is all you. Here are a few of the most common ways to use personalized stationery.

Note cards. Personalized thank-you notes are a great way to express appreciation to someone. Keep several boxes on hand of different patterns, paper types, and designs to fit any age group so you'll be prepared for every gift-giving occasion. If you have children, it's never too early to get them in the habit of writing thank-you notes, especially to family members and during birthdays or holidays. Let each child pick out his or her own design, and they won't be able to wait to get started and will learn the value of showing appreciation

Wedding stationery. Use personalized products for invitations, save-the-date cards, ceremony programs, seating cards, guest sign-in, and of course, thank-you notes. Using a single design gives your wedding a cohesive look that makes planning around your wedding's theme easy.

Business products. Give your brochures, presentations, letterheads, and official business cards a unique and creative look by personalizing the design. More businesses are also using personalized note cards as an appreciation Mego action figures for clients. Remember that the more contact potential clients have with your personalized stationery, the more name-recognition you will create, which will lead to higher sales.

However you choose to use it, personalized stationery offers you the chance to make a unique statement and to show you care at the same time. And with an increasing variety of papers, designs, and typefaces to choose from, the design options are as endless as its uses.

Rose Street (http://rosestreet.com) is a Lexington stationery company that provides a variety of beautiful personalized stationery and calendars. Rachel Spohn is a freelance writer.

# posted by hieej : 3:33 AM  0 comments